My Simon Gray does not look good today. :( 

I’m hoping he’s just in a bit of a stupor because I woke him up to bring him out, but he’s barely moving at all. And his body feels a bit cold. He is yawning on occasion, but he’s not really doing much else.  I’m a little tempted to stay up all night with him in case he’s dying, but he doesn’t appear to be in any sort of pain or under any stress & it’s quite probable I’m overreacting, especially since he’s such a lazy rat normally anyway.   I just keep thinking how horrible I’d feel if I woke up in the morning & he was dead, but there wouldn’t really be anything for me to feel guilty about since he has a cagemate, so he wouldn’t die alone, & he seems quite peaceful at the moment & is not having seizures or anything else that would cause any sort of stress.

I feel incredibly horrible saying this, but I almost hope he is dying, because I really don’t want him to suffer. I know that sounds awful, but the alternative would be to say “I hope he keeps living with a huge tumor on his face until it gets to the point that it’s affecting his ability to eat or causing him pain, & then I’ll take him to the vet & hold him down while a gas mask is forced on him so he can be put to sleep.” I don’t have anything at all against euthanasias & I know that it’s worth a minute or two of stress/suffering for an ill animal to be out of misery permanently, but my last two euthanasias were a bit problematic/difficult as far as the anesthetizing was concerned & it was really upsetting to witness & a peaceful, natural death would have been much, much preferable. Simon is almost three, if he could just go peacefully to sleep, that would be the best.

I will kiss him & tell him I love him & put him back in his house now, just in case. Maybe he will perk up for dinner.